After weeks off since my brother was lost, plus annual leave for Easter/ANZAC Day too, today was my first day back in the office. It was with some apprehension I padded into the office and walked in, just two of the three usual early birds, phew. As expected they offered condolences and asked how I was, initially I was okay, however as I turned for my desk it did start to hit me; deep breaths.
I typically buy bananas to eat during the week, as I had the week my brother took his life, these were still in my cabinet three weeks later, along with little bugs and a stench I’d rather not have met; I had also left my lunch in the fridge and needed to dispose of that too, thankfully no bugs though.
My fruit bowl and lunchbox now clean I could finally sit down to enjoy the cappuccino I’d purchased at Aroma; another breath. My supervisor arrived. He’d called me the day I’d had to go to the morgue with my mother and identify my brother, I was slightly a mess as you might expect. He asked me into a small meeting room to have a chat about things, but also to advise of an office global email that’d gone out outlining what’d happened and that I would be away for a prolonged period. Naturally he, and our manager, were concerned as to my reaction at people knowing what had occurred, the email wasn’t meant to include that; I was fine with that as conversely it actually saved me from having to tell people if they asked why I was away.
My friend Vicki kindly took me to lunch and for a chat, it was nice to get out just for half an hour and talk. It has been funny, I thought coming into this week I was in a different head space, however it shows me it’s going to take a while to deal with Haydn’s loss, thankfully I have a lot of kind and supportive people around.